I worked my ass off every single day to make things happen but you chose to run away and tell me you do not have the capacity to devote the time that I deserve. That is bull. 

It hurts a lot for me because just when I showed you everything, my every emotions, every feelings,  you chose to run away. You chose to run away. 

I do not get it. I do not see the point. I love you, I always think about you. 

Until I don't get it and know what really happened, I will hold on. 

Of that, I am not sure actually.

I also get tired and there will come a time that I will be fed up too.

But until then, we will see.  

Heh. 

Childish as it may seem be but I actually believe that there is really someone out there for everyone, and when you find that person, together you will make your own fairy tale story to the best of your abilities. 

I will hold on because the words we promised to each other before this person left my country, are very (READ: very) sacred to me. You do not get to promise things you ought to break. That is one thing every citizen of this world should not do. We are talking about manners here, ya' dig? 

No others. No flirting with others. No seeing others. No kissing. No hugging. No other things in another level. I am very jealous and I think it is only okay because why would you still talk to a certain person and flirt with others? What is the point? None. None at all.  

In addition, trust and loyalty are the basic requirements I only ask, and I believe, the things people who are in a relationship need in order to make things work. Especially for the both of us who are still in that "building a solid foundation" stage. I like the idea of this. It makes us long for each other more. It makes me reminisce of all the happy thoughts that we had before and think about the things I want to do when we are together again already. 

Moreover, I do not ask this person to put me into THE priority list. I have not even asked any one else to do it. But hey, how do you know a person if you do not hear anything from them? Hence, how will you know the feelings and emotions if just for a day you do not get to see something from them? Weird right?

Every time we do not get talk because of work or friends and sleep, I hold on to the thought of maybe, just maybe, appreciation of the things we did not get to do when we were together shows in. This also gives us time to see the beauty of being alone and having space from the calls and texts. I am gradually accepting this reality. Bit by bit for now because bear this in mind, the day when I hold this person's hand again and do hug so tightly, I will never let it go anymore.  

Furthermore, I have learned a lot from this set-up and still learning every day. In fact, it made me loosen up and be nice to our dog. It made me go to the gym and attend dance classes so I keep myself busy. I got a work so I do not get to bug people so often. I am learning and although I am doing this because it sinks in to me that I am a professional bum, I want to do it because I want to show this person that I value everything it has to say about me. In that way, I can show my feelings because we have agreed to not keep secrets from each other. 

I am not a masochist, but perhaps when we are in a relationship already (and I believe that will be anytime soon I wish), I want this love to hurt. I do not enjoy pain and hurt but I want to experience every hurt of love with this person. I want to see the stars. I want to be in a smiling stupor, for days. I want to be in love. 

I want to fuss over whether this person gets home safely. I want to experience that pulling out my hair in fistfuls every time this person gets home late. I want this love to make me pace back and forth every time this person has not called yet and it is already 9:30. 

At the end of the day, I want to feel the joys, triumphs, and every bit of the pain. I want every bit of the love because as they say, "a love that does not hurt, is a love that is not real" and I want the real thing for me and my love. 

I will see this person again soon. I do not want to count the days because it will just agonize me but trust me, I am doing all the capacity of my inner soul so I get to hug my love again.